It Was Stolen!

I've said it before and I'll say it again. I was a damn awkward kid. Looking back, I'm starting to see how I didn't really interact with anyone socially for a long time. Except for my brother and sister, I only went to the bare minimum for pre primary and school. By the time I got into Year One of primary school, half the kids had already been enrolled in various sporting events and whatnot. Also I'd been to a different pre primary and so they all knew each other rather well. '

I've always been a loner in that sense. To this day I actually need a lot of time to myself to think and create. Back in those days I used to run around the backyard, pretending to be a Ninja Turtle or whatnot or I was inside playing with my toys.

I spent Year One at Creaney Primary School. We'd just moved to Perth from Kalgoorlie after a brief stint in Busselton, of which I barely remember. Everything was new and I was excited to go. Of course that was before I saw that everybody already had their friends and groups. Isn't it absurd that I was already out of the mix on the first god damn day of year 1? Amazing. Of course this was the year I kept pissing my pants and the teacher beat me up on my birthday.

The following year I went to a different school. It was a fresh start although it didn't take me long to fowl things up there too. Luckily I didn't piss my pants anymore, just my bed. My sister still did at this point though and the smell when visitors came was always blamed on me. Made it difficult for me to explain when I grew up.

But aside from that, I was already bad at sports and socially inept. In Year two, pretty much everybody knew each other already. But the annoying thing is that the kids were a lot nicer to me in my new school. I kind of ruined things for myself by just being so god damn retarded. I remember being amazed at how bad I was at sport. Most of the kids went to after school sporting classes and had been doing so for two years already. I could;'t run very fast, had no interest in football and couldn't throw or catch to save my life. Nothing's changed there.

I had a very friendly teacher for my second year of school. Mrs. Kalyzinski. I may be spelling that incorrectly, I'm not sure. As all adults at the time, she seemed to be a towering giant, but a friendly and patient one. Of course she hadn't experienced the awe inspiring power to annoy of which I have been gifted.

The memory that stands out the most is when I forgot to bring my pencil case to school one day. It was early in the morning and we'd started the day with some reading and whatnot. I remember sitting at my desk quietly trying not to be noticed. When it came to do some actual work however, everybody else opened up their desk drawers, or trays as we called them, pulled out their pencil cases and started writing away.

So here's me, sitting in the middle of the class. Everybody has pens and pencils out and worksheets in front of them. I'm sitting there desperately trying to appear as though I was working too. I did this by sitting there awkwardly. A brilliant plan but sadly it didn't last long.

When the teacher found me sitting at my desk with an empty worksheet and a guilty look on my face I can only assume her first reaction was confusion as to why I hand't spoken up in the first place. You have to understand that I'd already been beaten up by my previous teacher the year before and so I was terrified of doing anything wrong.

"Daniel, why aren't you working?' she asks me in her kind, sing song voice which so many women acquire when working with very young children.

'I.. uh.. I.. er.. Don't have my pencil case,' I mumbled. I used to mumble a lot. It came with being shy. I still do it today now and then. I jumble my words occasionally when I'm not concentrating.

'Why don't you have your pencil case?' she asks me. By this point half the class has stopped working. They've all turned around and started to look at me. Their eyes are fixed at my direction. Suddenly I realise that everybody in the room is paying attention to me. Everybody. They're all staring right at me and waiting for an answer. I'm terrified. I'm terrified that I'm going to look like an idiot because I forgot to pack my pencil case. Why didn't I put it in my bag in the morning? I was too distracted by Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Curse you Donatello for being so entertaining!

Oh God. I started to panic. I knew I could't admit to forgetting it. Everybody will think I'm some kind of idiot. A loser. What kind of moronic can't even remember to bring his pencil case to school? And the teacher might get mad. I'd seen what happens when teachers get mad. I'd felt it. I didn't want that. I couldn't endure that again. Not with this teacher who had seemed so nice to me thus far. No, there was only one choice.

I had to lie.

Of course! I'd tell a lie. I'd give them a clever, well thought out and reasonable excuse as to why I didn't have my pencil case. Then nobody would laugh. Everybody would understand. Why didn't I think of this before? It seemed so obvious. Yes, this was definitely what I had to do. But everybody was looking right at me and they were still waiting for an answer. I had to think fast. Think brain, think.

'It was stolen,' I muttered.

'It was stolen?' asked the teacher. She cocked her head to one sideband her tone of voice was skeptical. Damn, my brilliant plan wasn't working.

'I'm pretty sure I saw some robbers come in the middle of the night. They must have taken it.' I said each word with conviction. The class started to giggle. But it was too late. I'd spun the lie. I could either admit that I'd forgotten it and endure that agony plus the additional embarrassment of lying or I could stick to my guns. I'd made up my story on the spot and god damn it, I was going to stand by it with conviction.

'Now Daniel,' said Mrs. Kalyzinski, 'Why would robbers want to steal your pencil case?'

'Maybe they need to write out cheques and things?' I said as if this reason was rather obvious. The class started to chuckle some more. I could see the faces around me, an ocean of grins and giggles. But I'd gone too far. I couldn't back out of the lie now. I had to go with it.

'Daniel, that's not true now is it?' the teacher said.

'No, it's true. I was lying in bed and I saw him come in and he went around the house and I'm sure he took it.'

'A robber isn't going to just steal your pencil case, Daniel.'

'He didn't just take my pencil case. Of course not,' I replied. My well thought out plan was beginning to unravel and I could tell. This brilliant plan of mine had become the Titanic and I was the captain, going down with the ship.

Any normal child would have budged on this. They'd have given up and admitted that they had lied and yes the pencil case was at home. But I was so resilient on this matter, despite the chorus of laughter that had erupted around me, that the teacher simply had to intervene.

'OK then Daniel. So if we ask your sister if this is true then she'll say yes?' My older sister, Kathleen, was at the same school. She was in Year Five.

'Yes,' I said, nervously. 'She'll tell you the same thing.'

Of course the teacher actually did it. She actually went over to my sisters classroom, pulled her out of class and brought her down to mine. She came into my classroom and saw me standing in the front of the class. I looked at her with desperation. What must she have thought was going on?

'Kathleen, I brought you here because Daniel is telling me that the reason he doesn't have his pencil case today is because you were robbed last night. Is that true?'

I silently pleaded with my older sister. The entire classroom seemed to hang on the moment. Everybody was silent and waiting for the response. In one single stroke I had been revealed as the absolute fool that I was. But was there a chance? Would she take pity on my desperation and save me from this despair?

'No,' Kathleen said.

I never lived that down. Why on Earth didn't I just admit to forgetting to pack my pencil case? I'd told a lie and stood by it. In doing so I'd become the mockery of everybody I knew.

And it seemed like such a good lie..

Song: "Frankly Mr. Shankly," By The Smiths.