100 Facts About Me

1. I'm bald at 27 and have been for many years already.
2. Unless you are a vapid person I can probably make you laugh.
3. In year 8 cooking class I accidentally set a recipe on fire and in the process amazed and confused my teacher at my sheer incompetence.
4. I used to be deathly afraid of heights and I can remember the exact moment it stopped.
5. I can't swim and have little desire to learn.
6. I don't drive and little desire to learn. Will probably have to someday, though.
7. I love walking. I mean I really, really love to walk.
8. I'm usually in a hurry. I can't stand pottering around. Let's move, lets go, let's live!
9. Despite the above, I really don't have much of a life. Having worked the graveyard shift for three years isn't even the cause, it was just a useful excuse.
10. I genuinely don't think I'm much of a human or a man. I'm sort of just here.
11. The last few years I've been making steps to try and become human.
12. I had my first kiss when I was nineteen.
13. I own two remote controlled Daleks and they're huge. But I only bought one of them for myself. The other was a gift.
14. When I had hair it was terrible. Like a mixture between Inspector Gadget, Basil Fawlty and Einstein.
15. I've dreamed of escaping Perth for as long as I can remember.
16. When I used to pay with my toys I created huge ongoing plot lines and mimicked television shows and movies. I'd hum theme songs, incidental music and get down on the ground and in awkward positions with my face and squint or wink in order to replicate camera shots.
17. When I was fifteen I wrote an entire radioplay over one weekend because a girl I liked said she'd act in one.
18. When I was nine I used to wake up at four thirty in the morning to secretly watch Dr.Who. I'd sneak out to the games room, turn on the tv with the volume turned way down and put my face right next to the screen so I could just hear what was going on. It's one of the happiest memories I have.
19. I was born in Kalgoorlie and lived there until I was about 4 or 5.
20. After that I lived in Busselton for six months or so. Not too long.
21. When I was six years old and in year one I used to get nervous and piss myself all the damn time. I did it once and stayed in my seat until everyone had left for recess. When the teacher found out why I wasn't moving she proceeded to beat me up. During the beating she actually said "For God's sake Daniel it's your birthday."
22. I assume everybody who meets me probably despises me. If I get lucky I might get enough time to make them laugh in which case they tolerate me.
23. One day when I was six I was home with just my mum, who was in another room. I was in my bedroom and wanted to see if I would fit inside one of my drawers in my chest of drawers. I climbed inside and only just managed to fit. At that precise moment my mum came into my room and saw the drawer hanging open. So she closed it shut.
24. I don't remember much about Kalgoorlie, except escaping out of my crib each morning and going to the toilet. We had an outhouse, a toilet outside the main house. So going at night was slightly terrifying.
25. My favourite colour is Purple.
26. I don't drink all that often. Usually socially. Though I enjoy it.
27. When I was fifteen and I started to lose the plot I started throwing up nearly everything I ate. This went on for months.
28. I started gaining weight in late 2001 and I've gone up and down ever since.
29. In 2009 I lost 40kg and was about 10kg away from my dream weight.
30. Last year I gained half of it back. I'm going to lose it again and reach my dream weight.
31. I can be pretty fucking uptight about things but make an active effort to challenge myself on it.
32. I love Spider-man. A lot. But my favourite issues are the early days especially Steve Ditko.
33. I'm one of the most uncoordinated people you will ever meet. You will be astounded.
34. I don't dance. I just.. don't. Over ten years I've danced maybe five times and I was horribly drunk for all of them.
35. When I become hugely overtired I start seeing Gargoyles in the corner of my eye, everywhere. Usually when it's dark.
36. I was pretty much hated for my entire Primary School years.
37. I've known my oldest and best friend for twenty years. We had a few patches where we went our separate ways but we're still friends to this day.
38. I used to be unbearably gullible. I'm still fairly so.
39. Maybe because of 38, but I genuinely believe in the potential for people to be decent.
40. In 2002, at one of my lowest points ever, my mum bought a puppy. Her name is Leah and she probably saved my life.
41. I elicit two reactions from people. Awe and disgust. Either people tell me I am intelligent and amazing and wonder why the hell I am where I am now, (job etc) or they absolutely despise me. There's rarely a middle ground.
42. I lose touch with people all the time. Sometimes I like it that way but other times I wish I didn't. I'm terrible at staying in touch. The internet is the best way to keep me involved in your life.
43. When I was sixteen I had an internet romance with a girl in the US. It was completely ridiculous but I would have married her in an instant.
44. I have known true love, briefly. I have loved somebody absolutely and they loved me, and for a time we were able to be together. I can die happy knowing I've felt and shared what many spend a lifetime searching for.
45. My Phys Ed teacher from Primary School once described me as the following as we climbed down a rock face on camp: "Daniel you have the dexterity of a pregnant hippopotamus with its arms and legs tied together." He's dead now.
46. In my teenage years I had an absolutely terrible case of acne that absolutely obliterated my face and also covered my chest and back.
47. As a result of the above I still won't take off my shirt in public. Which guys can totally do. Mind you I'm fat now so I really shouldn't.
48. I'm very pale and have always been so. Partly my Irish and Scottish blood but also just because I was never a sporty, outdoorsy kid. Girls in Primary School used to call me "Ghost."
49. I once made an internet friend from Perth when I was eighteen. We spoke on the phone and arranged for a date. I waited for her at Perth train station for two hours, because I was like that. I saw some people laughing at me during this time and I'm pretty sure the whole thing was a joke.
50. I'm reasonably tall. About 6'2.
51. My favourite musicians are Morrissey/The Smiths, David Bowie, Leonard Cohen, Nick Cave, Bob Dylan.
52. I can not stand apathy. It's the most unattractive feature in anyone, ever.
53. One day I decided I couldn't stand the indignity of Phys Ed in high school and so I refused to do it. I was put in detention during the Phys Ed period. I had to sit in a room where the windowed were painted to keep the sunlight out and was allowed to sit quietly and write whatever I wanted. I was in heaven. After a few weeks of me enjoying this they pulled me out of all of my classes. My dad ended up getting involved and I was put back into my classes. What happened after is too much to say here.
54. Very few women get my attention. Even just physically, it's not too many. But in a sense of- I find this person actually interesting and would like to get to know them better or date- VERY rare.
55. I'm pretty sure a lot of people think I'm gay. (I'm not.) I don't really care.
56. I keep getting randomly verbally abused in the street. Once a group of drunks started making fun of my Spend Less $20 sneakers, when I ran into work at 2am to fix something. Another time, in Melbourne, a group of guys called out to me on the street making fun of my bald spot. Weird, man.
57. I've never asked a girl out on a date. Ever. It usually just comes together from chatting online or something.
58. I've only really been asked out once, at work, years ago. At the time I thought it would never happen.
59. I've been writing a fantasy novel for about ten years now.
60. I've only been out of the country once last year to visit the USA.
61. My family never traveled anywhere. No money. In fact we never did any family bonding type exercises other than when we moved house.
62. I used to be afraid of dogs until my mum bought a gigantic and utterly harmless German Shepherd in 1995.
63. I've had a ton of pets over the years, mostly cats and dogs. But birds, fish and other such things too. I'm an animal person.
64. I wish I could work in comedy. It's so much fun.
65. When I was very little I had an ALF plush toy which I took with me EVERYWHERE.
66. I wet the bed until I was 11 and pleaded for help with this for two years prior at least. Finally I saw a doctor who helped me.
67. I went caving on camp in year 7 and it was one of the best experiences of my life.
68. As a teenager I was obsessed with British TV. I still love it but am not quite so obsessed.
69. My favourite authors are Neil Gaiman, Douglas Adams and Jonathan Swift
70. I said they should cast Tobey Maguire for Spider-man the day I saw Pleasantville and was delighted when he was cast months later.
71. When I was twelve years old I went to see Pocahontas sat the cinema by myself. I just love animation damn it. I didn't tell a god damn soul though, at that age it would have been suicide.
72. Like every child I went through a phase of stealing. I stole stationary and moved up to pornography. The guilt overwhelmed me so much that I didn't go into that newsagency for eight years.
73. My family is overly secretive and it's warped us.
74. I've worked the graveyard shift, five days a week at a fast food place for three years as manager.
75. I want to live in Chicago. I'd take New York in a flash but Chicago is number one.
76. For my birthday in 1993 we went and saw Jurassic Park at the brand new cinema complex nearby. Awesome.
77. I only ever had one birthday party, ever. I was in year two of primary school.
78. The Burnett side of my family came to Australia as convicts.
79. When I was 14 I joined a Doctor Who fan club. They were mostly fat, old people who could;t be bothered doing much at all. I wanted to make fan videos or audio dramas and the like. I kept going however, because they had an extensive video collection. I went through and borrowed every story I hadn't seen and then never came back.
80. The movie "American Beauty," changed my life. I still love that director and Thora Birch is damn sexy.But she's better in Ghost World.
81. I wish I could write with the intelligence of Douglas Adams, the subtle complexity of Daniel Clowes and the wit of P.G. Wodehouse.
82. I saw Invader Zim the day it premiered in Australia and I've been obsessed ever since.
83. I had a drought of nine years or so where I didn't write much and certainly didn't finish anything. I broke it when I forced myself to go down to Albany for a week.
84. I am always writing, just not writing down. My head is always full of ideas and although I may seem to have little work on my fantasy novel in the last ten years if I were to sit you down and describe it to you it would probably take hours.
85. I love Stephen Fry.
86. I am constantly listening to The Ricky Gervais show, both the podcasts and the XFM episodes. Karl Pilkington always manages to cheer me up.
87. When I was a toddler I was chased by a "willie willie," in the backyard of our Kalgoorlie home. A "willie willie," is like a tiny, mini tornado that sometimes whip up out of nowhere. It ran to the door as it advanced and screamed for help in absolute terror.
88. I have some really amazing friends and they are all a great deal smarter and more talented than I will ever be.
89. I couldn't tie my shoelaces until I was 10 or 11. I had velcro, so why bother?
90. I use twitter an awful lot and I've found some amazing people on there.
91. I'm a mac guy but I've used Windows a lot. I have a macbook, an imac, several ipods and an iphone.
92. I used to make amateur redisplays. Mostly Doctor Who ones. They were a lot of fun to do, especially the sound editing. I wish I had the musical or mathematical ability to pursue it as a career.
93. I have committed adultery. I don't regret it.
94. I'm am atheist.
95. I have five wisdom teeth which all need to come out. The fifth one is underneath one of the others.
96. I have a weird cartilage thing in my knee which juts out a little bit. It came about because I grew so rapidly as a teenager but I'm told it's harmless. But my knees do hurt if I can't stretch my legs out for just a second or two every few minutes.
97. I'm one of the least violent people you will ever meet. I've never been in a fight. Never punched anyone, except in jest. None of that stuff. The most violent thing I ever did was punch a hole through my door in 2004 and believe me, that took an awful lot. Sometimes this lack of energy, violence, masculinity makes me feel piddly and helpless. It's why I have a soft spot for Ang Lee's 2003 movie "Hulk." The main character, Bruce is emotionally crippled and completely unable to express himself or behave like a normal human. The radiation exposure reacts with his boxed in mental state causing a violent release: aka Hulk. The scenes where Hulk runs free are absolutely beautiful and move me every time.
98. In 2009 I became something of a gym junkie. I'm missing it a lot right now. I want to get back to it. It was a good feeling to feel as though I was becoming fit, strong, skinny and maybe even attractive.
99. I quit high school twice and while I needed to do those things at the time I do regret that I was in such a mental state at the time.
100. I believe in love, beauty, art and hope. I know that kind of thing sounds cheesy but I don't use those words lightly.

Song: "Loving The Alien," by David Bowie.